Category Archives: craziness

Work is where it is at.

So I mentioned the work thing right? We’re down to four people in the lab when we should have five. Of course in my dream world where I actually could focus on all of the things I need to do, there would be six of us. I’m trying to not let it get to me, but my stress level is just kinda going through the roof.

We have an ASHI inspection coming up (pick a day, any day between Aug 15th and Oct 15th) which is incredibly important and I have SO MUCH to do for it and not nearly enough time or energy. We have this stupid mock inspection to get us ready for the NY state inspection in early 2012. I wouldn’t think it stupid if we weren’t having an ACTUAL inspection during the same time period. Plus it takes me about 5-6 hours to get everything together for the mock one and it’s really time better spent elsewhere.

I’ve got some special projects lined up that are gathering dust because I just can’t take a moment to look at them.

We’re supposed to be replacing our computer system sometime in the next couple months and … I am so terrified of it. The new system will be fabulous but completely different than everything have now. And right now our workflow is janky because of the ridiculous system we have now. I’m super excited for the new one but the growing pains are not something we can really afford to have right now.

We’re interviewing but haven’t hired anyone yet. Which is fine because I’m a little terrified of how to add training a new person to the list of crap to do.

End on the fact that we’re all still on call and we’ve been booming lately and that regular everyday actual work has to get out? Plus when I go home I have to be wife and mom?

Means that I’m really stressed. I hate that I look into my crystal ball and see no breaks coming. At all. I can’t take any vacation during the ASHI time period because they need me for the inspection. I’m on call at Thanksgiving and no one knows who will be on for Christmas as it was the responsibility of the person let go. So I’m looking at you 2012. You are apparently the next time that I can consider slowing down and taking a break.

That kinda makes me want to jump off a roof. I had pinned so much hope on things calming down once Brian started at Allendale. Then my job had to go and get all crazy.

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Posted by on July 31, 2011 in blah, craziness, work


And How.

We let someone go from work this week. I won’t go into any details except to say that it was abrupt, that none of us were expecting it and that has thrown the lab into a tailspin.

First, I’m worried about this person. They had worked here for a significant amount of time and I want to see them be happy and be able to care for their family.

Second, we’re a man down. In the summer. Prime vacation time and it means that we are just scrambling to keep up the bare minimum. We only had 5 people to begin and now we’re looking at some weeks where there are only two of us here. And if one of those two gets pulled in on call? Pandemonium.

I made some lists the on Wednesday of things I need to accomplish off the bench. Then I had an anxiety attack. Did some deep breathing and I think I have it under control now but I’m also trying to keep the rest of the lab in the right frame of mind. It made me realize that we are running too lean. I’m all for efficiency but I figure it’s going to take us about a year to recover. It’ll take some time to hire someone new and then in general it takes about 6-9 months to get said person up to speed and on call. In the meantime, I’ll be training this person so my actual time will shrink down even further.

To think a few weeks ago, I thought that things were looking up. Now I just want to make it through the next year here with as little hyperventilating and as few tears as possible. Wish me luck.

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Posted by on June 24, 2011 in craziness, work


Emotional rollarcoaster… Whee!

Through a bizarre conglomeration of events, my IUD went rogue, tunneling through my uterus for the vast freedom of my abdomen. Clearly my appendix was a MUCH better place to prevent pregnancy. This prompted a rather quick decision to remove it via surgery and while we’re in there we’ll check out a cyst, get rid of that possible ectopic pregnancy, do a D&C because of the miscarriage and then tie my tubes.

I was really cool with all of that except for the tying of the tubes. I agreed to it because it is the right decision for us but I wasn’t ready for it. Brian does not want more children. For all of the right reasons. He doesn’t want to have to focus more on work than he already does and he stresses about providing for us. He already feels stretched for time with the kids and he loves our family the way it is. I do too. I agree. I want to give our children the world and another one in daycare? Would bankrupt us. I would need to quit my job and stay at home. Meaning we would lose my good health insurance and have to get Brian’s crappy and insanely expensive insurance. I was okay with the whole thing.

Sorta. The thing is… I was banking on those five years of IUD time to allow me to come to terms with no more gorgeous, yummy, sweet babies.  I never expected or understood how intoxicating my children would be. I didn’t see how watching them grow would both warm my heart and make me proud but also leave me yearning for those early days.

It’s done now. I’m comfortable with the decision. I wouldn’t have allowed my doc to do it if I wasn’t.

Logically, practically I am alright. Emotionally I’m still sad about it.

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Posted by on July 1, 2010 in craziness, parenting


In which I reveal too much

I just started to reply to a post over at Bounce Back when I stopped, realized that I was revealing WAY too much about my sex life to the interwebs.  I think we’re a weird country. On one hand we all run about scantily clad, showing way too much (seriously people) and act like we’re all comfortable about it. On the other hand, a woman wants to nurse her child on a plane and we’re suddenly all about decency and COVER yourself!

I don’t know where I’m going with this other than I think that it’s ridiculous that we’re all terrified to talk about our sexual dysfunctions or God forbid what actually works for us in the bedroom. I try and be expressive with my husband, hope to be honest with my children when they’re older. (Don’t freak out. I fully realize my children have NO interest in my sex life. NOT talking about it with them). I do wish though, that I could be more open about the way that hormones trash your body postpartum. I wish I knew whether other people go through the same crap that I have, where stress and general life kill your libido and then it leads to this downward cycle of never touching each other.

I feel like a string so tightly wound that if you touch me I might snap. This winter’s cavalcade of giving up nursing, selling our house, living with friends, buying our house, moving out and in, not to even mention my job- which has been crazy stressful with inspection after inspection and regular day to day work. It’s just all taking it’s toll. I’m on my medication. Yay! But I don’t know how to pull myself from the clutches of a funk where I’m exhausted and nervous about being touched. I love my husband, I love my family. I just want everything to S–L–O–W down so that I can recover and get back to normal.

I think I’m going to just go listen to Dan Savage and the Mominatrix and maybe they’ll make everything better.


Posted by on March 24, 2010 in craziness, sexuality


Where do we go now?

We decided to stay with our friends from the Paper Garden. Meghan has graciously offered to let us have her space in the finished basement and their house has the benefit of a) housing the majority of our baby sitters.  b) they have children and thus we don’t need to cart 12,000 toys with us and c)we stayed with them when our floors were being refinished and we know Jeffrey is comfortable staying with their home.

In the meantime, we’ve put an offer on a house in Greece. It’s not the school district that we want but it’s a great house and it’ll be fine for Jeffrey in elementary. The plan is that once the baby is finished with daycare we will once again pack up all of our shit and move. This time with more money and to a school district that I approve of.
The house is awesome. It’s 15 minutes to daycare, 12 minutes to work……. what luxury and joy. Has 3 good sized bedrooms and a gigantic bathroom. We’ll be able to have our office, and the kitchen has counter space everywhere! Also it has the added benefit of an attached garage. Something that Jeffrey requested at the very first house we looked at. Apparently he doesn’t like to get wet when he walks to the car.  Who knew?  Our closing date is tentatively set for Jan 28th and we’re hoping to replace some carpeting and paint some walls before we actually move in. The nice part about staying with B & D is that while we don’t want to impose forever, we can take our time moving in and get everything ready first. No having to sleep on the dining room floor because the mattress won’t fit up the stairs. Check out the tour if you’re interested.

So we’re excited. A little overwhelmed with all that needs to come first. Christmas, moving, Jeffrey’s birthday, painting and carpet installation and then moving again. All in the space of about two months. I can feel the exhaustion setting in already.

Oh, and did I mention? The baby started crawling on Sunday. It’s both awesome and terrifying. So excited to see what next year brings. 🙂


Posted by on December 17, 2009 in craziness, housing


Christmas gifts are strange

What the hell is up with Zsu Zsu pets?

We were in Toys R Us this weekend along with the worlds most unhappy people and there was this giant line forming by the front door. I wondered what it was about but didn’t bother checking it out. We had a sitter for a few hours and I wasn’t about to waste it on a line in TRU. This is how Brian and I speak now. We’re all initials and spelling out everything. God help us when Jeffrey can S-P-E-L-L.

Anyway. We”re about to checkout and I realize that we don’t have a stocking for Ellie. No big deal, I tell Brian to wait in line and I’ll go grab one and be back. The stockings are over by the front door next to this giant line of people. I start to excuse myself through the line to get up to where the cheap traditional red stockings are when this guy shouts at me. “Hey. No cutting!” I turned and explained that I was just looking for a stocking and that I wasn’t trying to jump the line.  He warned me that I better not be. Dude, it is not cool to menace other parents in a toy store. Chances are there are some children present.

I grab my stocking. Happy with my $2 find and I turn to one of the women in front. “What are you guys waiting for anyway?” “Zhu Zhu Hampsters” she says. Seriously? They are fake hamsters that can either be in nuzzle or play mode. You can buy them a giant habitrail. for your fake hamster.And you can stand in line (for several hours). Buy a real one. Out of the store in ten minutes.

Okay I realize they are less messy. But hamsters? Not a whole lot of work overall. I kept several alive throughout college. I totally don’t get the idea of fake pets. I’ll keep my real cat and the kids will get real hamsters if and when they’re ready.


Posted by on December 15, 2009 in craziness


And then a whole bunch of stuff happened

We found the perfect house (and it WAS perfect).
And we lost the perfect house (stupid people making Cash offers. WTF!)

We’re looking and looking and looking now and nothing is jumping at me. (But I’m patient).
We’re trying to sell ours. We have a showing tomorrow and another open house on Sunday. (Send us good vibes!)

The baby is growing bigger and she’ll be 6 months old this week. ?!?!
She’s learned how to pump her legs and make the car seat rock. It makes her very happy.
She also likes to lift her legs up and slam them back down when she wants to wake up from the crib.
I’ve started calling her Princess Kicky Pants. It fits her and she smiles when I call her that.
She is almost sitting up on her own. She’ll play for a bit before tipping over.
She took her first bath with the ring to sit up with. She very much enjoyed it.
She laughs and smiles and is generally very happy.

But she still is not sleeping through the night consisntently.
I am tired.

Jeffrey is visiting Grandma. Going to the Trolley museum and generally having a fabulous time. We get random one sentence snippets from him on the phone. “I watched a movie. It had a railroad crossing! BYE!” They’re all very cute.
It’s been a week now. I miss him and his snuggley squirmey cuddles.

Work has been crazy and we’ve been looking at houses like wild people. I miss writing here and I’m hoping I’ll have more time soon. I’d like to have more time to scrape out my insides and heave them onto paper.

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Posted by on September 25, 2009 in craziness, housing, kids