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Hoop Jumping (or why I’m too klutzy to wear clogs)

13 Mar

I wore clogs to work today and I almost fell down the stairs in them. Seriously, I hurt my wrist catching myself on the railing. I apparently can’t be trusted to walk this week.

I wanted to write a funny post, but I just don’t have it in me today. In fact, I’m having  a bad string of days. I’m just feeling out of sorts. So instead, I turn to you, great blogosphere to vent. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. The task list is neverending and the baby seemingly has endless energy. I’m just not sure if I’m falling into a bit of depression or if I’m just bitchy this week. If it’s depression, I could call up the doc and maybe ramp up the medication a little. I’m not sure if that’s the route I should take or if I should just ride it out. I’m on the lowest possible dose so it wouldn’t be far out to up it a little.

I just have no energy for anything right now. Jeffrey, while amazing and awe inspiring is sucking the life out of me. I just want a moment to myself that isn’t filled with guilt for ignoring the house, the baby, the job, the husband etc. I’m not saying that I don’t get those moments, I just can’t seem to shed the guilt of what I “should” be doing when I get them.  And what needs to be done, I’m ignoring because it seems so insurmountable. I simply want a day off. I have no idea what I would like to do for that day, but riding rollar coasters comes to mind. Eating mindlessly, not worrying about the money I’ve spent and taking a long luxuroius bath also come to mind.

Since none of those things are going to happen anytime soon, I guess I’ll just buck up and deal with life. I keep waiting for the day when everything gets easier, and it just never comes. Life is a series of complicated challenges and sometimes I’m just tired of jumping through the hoops. I do so well when the problems are giant terrible things and I do so awful with everyday crap. I mean I can deal with the kid born preemie but I fall apart over dust bunnies and laundry. WTF? For now, I’m going to wallow a little, take my meds, write some more morose crap to y’all and if I don’t feel better in a week or so, I’m calling the doc.

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8 Comments

Posted by on March 13, 2007 in depression, General

 

8 responses to “Hoop Jumping (or why I’m too klutzy to wear clogs)

  1. Kellie

    March 13, 2007 at 4:13 pm

    I have those days, too. Granted, mine shouldn’t be as frequent as they are given that I don’t have to balance work with being a Mommy.

    I wish you were here. I’d take Jeffrey for the day/night and let you have that time to do what you want…whether it’s tackling the dust bunnies or riding that roller coaster and eating a crapton of food.

    🙂

     
  2. Dani

    March 13, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    Thanks! Funny thing is that I couldn’t imagine being a SAHM because I think I’d be even more crazy. I think I need adults to talk to every day.

     
  3. Kelly M

    March 13, 2007 at 8:26 pm

    I hopw you feel better soon! Just take everything in stride! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself…I don’t know what it is like to have a baby around..but I’m sure it’s difficult and definitely energy consuming! Just do what you can..and what you can’t..you know what?? It will just wait for you for when you are ready!! If you think you need it..call the doc…It can’t hurt..right?? Good luck to ya..and we are all hear to listen…so blog away!! It helps to talk about it!

     
  4. Kurt

    March 13, 2007 at 8:34 pm

    Let it out online. We’re here for the venting, for the rambling, for the wallowing.

    Wish I lived closer, I’d offer some assistance watching the boy for you.

    You need to figure out how to get rid of the guilt when you get those brief moments to yourself. Make them that much more useful. I know, easier said than done. Worry about the important stuff, the rest will take care of itself.

     
  5. Bonnie Malek

    March 13, 2007 at 8:51 pm

    Danielle, I wish I were closer – you would never see Jeffrey because you would have to fight me for him! Don’t sweat the small stuff – really – you and Brian are such great parents you have nothing to feel guilty about. Grab those moments for yourself when you can – and enjoy every minute without guilt – you will be better for it when they are over. You can’t be good for Jeffrey or Brian if you don’t take some guilt-free time for yourself. You don’t need to be super mom and super wife – those are figments of someone’s crazy imagination!

     
  6. Jenna Meaker

    March 13, 2007 at 8:59 pm

    I’ve been feeling the exact same way lately. Everything you just said so well describes the past month for me. Exactly. I’m glad I’m not the only one but I’m sorry you’re struggling too. My husband Scott said that I might have a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Could be. I feel a little better as of the last two days. And it is warming up.

    Hang in there and don’t doubt too much. I have no doubt that Jeffrey is lacking for nothing. With a smile like that, how could he be?

     
  7. Sue

    March 13, 2007 at 10:43 pm

    Let’s leave all the little monsters with their Daddies and hit the road.
    We’ll take our laptops and hit the loft at Starbucks, spend a sickening amount of money on overpriced lattes (and explain it to NO ONE) and tune out.
    Maybe we’ll come home to clean houses.
    (That last part was a joke.)

     
  8. Happy Working Mom

    March 14, 2007 at 9:10 am

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so down 😦 I completely understand how you feel. I think about the times that I could just sit and watch TV or something, but there’s always something that makes me jump up and stop – whether its knowing I have to do the dishes or laundry – whatever, it stops me from enjoying my time. And the kids taking energy…I know! Hopefully it should get a little easier as he is getting a little older and will be able to entertain himself more and more. Maybe then you’ll have a little more time? Hang in there, and know that if you lived by me I’d take him so you could relax!

     

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