I wore clogs to work today and I almost fell down the stairs in them. Seriously, I hurt my wrist catching myself on the railing. I apparently can’t be trusted to walk this week.
I wanted to write a funny post, but I just don’t have it in me today. In fact, I’m having a bad string of days. I’m just feeling out of sorts. So instead, I turn to you, great blogosphere to vent. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. The task list is neverending and the baby seemingly has endless energy. I’m just not sure if I’m falling into a bit of depression or if I’m just bitchy this week. If it’s depression, I could call up the doc and maybe ramp up the medication a little. I’m not sure if that’s the route I should take or if I should just ride it out. I’m on the lowest possible dose so it wouldn’t be far out to up it a little.
I just have no energy for anything right now. Jeffrey, while amazing and awe inspiring is sucking the life out of me. I just want a moment to myself that isn’t filled with guilt for ignoring the house, the baby, the job, the husband etc. I’m not saying that I don’t get those moments, I just can’t seem to shed the guilt of what I “should” be doing when I get them. And what needs to be done, I’m ignoring because it seems so insurmountable. I simply want a day off. I have no idea what I would like to do for that day, but riding rollar coasters comes to mind. Eating mindlessly, not worrying about the money I’ve spent and taking a long luxuroius bath also come to mind.
Since none of those things are going to happen anytime soon, I guess I’ll just buck up and deal with life. I keep waiting for the day when everything gets easier, and it just never comes. Life is a series of complicated challenges and sometimes I’m just tired of jumping through the hoops. I do so well when the problems are giant terrible things and I do so awful with everyday crap. I mean I can deal with the kid born preemie but I fall apart over dust bunnies and laundry. WTF? For now, I’m going to wallow a little, take my meds, write some more morose crap to y’all and if I don’t feel better in a week or so, I’m calling the doc.